


Desert Dude

by MybestfriendisaCinnamonroll



Series: The Lamest Joke series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Voldemort Wins, Cheeky Harry, Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, I mean, M/M, Minister for Magic Tom Riddle, Sane Voldemort (Harry Potter), The Author - Freeform, as crack, could qualify, exasperated tom, lame jokes, thinks it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26251948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MybestfriendisaCinnamonroll/pseuds/MybestfriendisaCinnamonroll
Summary: Tom and Harry love each other.Harry also loves antagonising his partner.orThe fic where Harry cracks the lamest joke in the world (according to Tom) and Tom just cant do anything about it.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Harry Potter/Voldemort
Series: The Lamest Joke series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907110
Comments: 10
Kudos: 97





	Desert Dude

**Author's Note:**

> So...... just a note.  
> Tom|Voldemort has won the war. He and Harry come up with a contract for peace.  
> Harry teaches Tom to Love him.
> 
> Right now...  
> Tom's Minister for Magic and the negotiations with the French magicals is like super rocky and he's stressed. Harry just wants to divert his partner's attention to help relieve some stress.

Tom, I've got a question for you.

Go on, then ask me.

Well I know this guy, he's stuck in the desert, and he's sweating pretty bad, and he wants to wipe his brow but, he doesn't have anything to wipe his forehead with. What will he do?

First of all, Harry whomsoever, this guy is, he must be a fool. For Merlin's sake, who travels to a desert without the proper types of equipment? Second, he's not sweating pretty bad, he is sweating profusely. Darling, do you even have the word articulation in your dictionary? Third, well, I suppose he will use his wand to conjure a towel...

I'm going to ignore the first two points, and No, he can't use his wand because he doesn't have one.

Well then, I suppose he would use wandless magic?

He doesn't have magic. He's a muggle.

A muggle!?!?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I meant squib. Yes, that's it, he's a squib.

Well, I don't know what he would do.

Well, Tom, see. He's got a gun. Ok. Now he's gonna point the gun at the sky, and he's gonna shoot. So the gunshot's sound will be all 'TISHOOOOOOOOOOO'. So he'll take the tissue and wipe his forehead. Isn't it a beautiful question...

...

Tom? Toooooom?? Hey Voldie??????

Hmm. Yes, Harry? And please, love, just because you are permitted to get away with numerous offences, that would surely get anybody other than you cursed, doesn't mean that you call me Voldie.

So how was it? Was it good? You know, the question?

It was lovely Harry. Can I kill you?

**Author's Note:**

> Tom: Thank you, Harry.  
> Harry: What in the world for???  
> Tom: you know why. * stares into Harry's eyes with complete adoration *  
> Harry: Is this a moment Tom?  
> Tom: Oh please, Harry. Dark Lords don't have 'moments'.
> 
> Please leave a comment.  
> 


End file.
